so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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