Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
