All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
