even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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