Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
