a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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