You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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