My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
