i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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