I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
