Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
