Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
