I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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