Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
