you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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