Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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