I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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