I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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