the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
