the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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