I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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