my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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