So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
