I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
