So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
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