yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
