if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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