the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
