god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
