I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
