I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
