i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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