whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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