tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
