so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
