You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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