Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
