so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
