im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
