did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
