there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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