Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
