I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
