that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Barsexuality is the new black.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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