Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
