just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
