It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sext me about skeletons
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
