I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
