nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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