Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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