nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
