Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
