and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
