This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
