i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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