I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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