I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
