I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
