we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
