Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
