i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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