i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
