2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
