the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
