dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
