girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize