this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have fence marks all over my body
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
