Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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