the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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