I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
