JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
