my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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