Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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