never play flip cup with pint glasses
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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