Betty ford says i'm here all night
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
