he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
